im about as happy as oj after his trial
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
