so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
