You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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