please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
