just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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