just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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