I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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