then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
