A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
