I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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