forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
