i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
