I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
It was confusing and full of hummus
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
