I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
