need another drink. this is the easiest way
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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