i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
