she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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