I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
