You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
