My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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