u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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