i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
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there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
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I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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