At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
