so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
