I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
