Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
This baby is an asshole
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
