Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
