I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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