i think my tv is drunk
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
