he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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