that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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