her vagine was all disorganized.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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