i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
