I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
