I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
