I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
