i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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