fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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