ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize