I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
