I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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