well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
