Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
