your room smells of hookers.
And success
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
