Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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