i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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