I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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