the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
