My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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