No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
