Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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