everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
