I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
