I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
