Got a toothbrush?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Rumble strips road head = magical
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
