I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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