It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
