One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
