I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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