i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think I sprained my soul last night
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
