I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
