Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
