but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
