explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
