p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
