So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
