I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
