I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
