So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
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yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
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I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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