Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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