I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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