I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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