I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
