Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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