6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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