life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
