Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Randomize
