I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
