Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
