here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
