What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
