So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
