Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
