dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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