she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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