Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
