please come you make the beer taste better
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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